Here we are. At the end of our first week of home schooling. We've learnt the following;
-Nothing
We are committed to improving on that next week. We've done the trial run now, and we're ready to be breezing GCSE maths by mid April. Do they still do GCSE's? Is that a silly question given they don't even do schools anymore? Will Universities have a Covid-compromised entrance criteria now do you think? For all the kids whose parents drank wine and took photo's instead of helping them learn equations and phonics? Assuming the world doesn't end I mean?
Zoom
We had a right nice Zoom video call with some of the kids at school, which I ran. I'm not going to lie it was a roaring success, which is a huge relief as I'll be using it as "an example of a recent success" story in my interviews when I'm grovelling for a job back in the corporate world again soon... that'll be sure to nail me a Head Of Marketing or Program Manager role no doubt. Particularly how I spontaneously introduced math's with "children, how many oranges can everyone count on the screen?" for the 'something to eat' category during our Things We Find At Home game. Yep. Nailed it Jeff love. (Bezos).
Orf with his head
Is it just me or are all those "try this at home" boredom reliever tasks that are flying around social media catastrophic failures for everyone else too? We faffed about for ages making our own lava lamp back when we were full of enthusiasm and high hopes for home schooling on Monday; it was absolutely crap. What a waste of Mummy's almond massage oil (we didn't have any vegetable oil so improvised...maybe therein lies the rub. No pun intended). I tried to style it out with "wow kids isn't this wonderful" which was met with a lack lustre "no it isn't it's rubbish". Same thing with drawing a stick man onto a plate with a white board marker then pouring water onto the plate so he dances. Looked brilliant on Facebook. Ours just waved momentarily before his head came clean off. Says it all.
Chips Glorious Chips
Online shopping is a laugh isn't it? After realising that online delivery slots are now rarer than rocking horse shit, family and friends have come to our aid and dropped off various bits of shopping through the week. Even that is like the most intense game of sliding doors ever...who has touched this banana before? Have I cleansed my immediate vicinity of all germs left by The Contaminated Tesco Bag OF DOOM? If I touch that end of the bag instead of the other; is my life essentially over? It's quite exhausting. And don't pretend you don't do it too. I know you do.
And now that I have no work, it makes wildly more sense to ask people to source flour, lemon curd, soft brown sugar, caster sugar, baking powder etc at a cost of around £20 so that I can be a splendid domestic goddess rather than saying "can you pick us up a packet of hob nobs please" for £1.70. And because I can't quite admit to anyone " bring me all the chocolate" I had a massive wobble and put ALL the chocolate in my Amazon Prime Now basket only to realise...no delivery slots. Great. The world is trying to kill me AND make me thin. Not cool.
So Andy's home made chips were my only indulgence of a Friday. That and 8 bottle of Prosecco...
Quick question...does my bum look big in this?