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The Good Step

Day 10. Double figures people, double figures!!

Is anyone else having crazy crazy dreams? I've witnessed that many murders during my sleep this week I feel like a mafia boss. Which I think presents a marvelous opportunity to eat maltesers and make like Marlon Brando. I've also been a lorry driver, where the outside of the lorry was covered with little hatches filled with toys, and the brakes kept failing. It was like some effed up kiddy catcher meets the fun bus mash up. My Dad was NOT impressed when I drove it into his new apartment and couldn't effect a decent three point turn to get back out again.

April Fools Day. We turbo fooled until midday. 874 separate april fool attempts. All of them led by Barney. All of them involving "OMG there's a spider". It was really fun. If fun means wearing and irritating.

Our fledgling home school has descended into some kind of co-ed St Trinians. No one cares about the rules. The schedule is mocked. Joe Wickes has been told to shove it. People are graffiti-ing tables. And that's just Andy. Snack times are a distant memory and we've had to employ a bouncer to man the treat cupboard. (Yes he gets hazard pay). Barney tells me every day that its the Easter holidays so we don't need to do any school. He must think I'm an idiot. (Is it though? When is it Easter? Does anyone know?)

Oooh Laaa Laaa

We had OFSTEAD in and they deemed we need to concentrate on the following areas; maths, english, music, languages (non foul), history, geography, home economics, religion and PE. Other than that we're good. Apparently Isla saying "Oooh Laaa Laaa" on a zoom call with her mates from Spain doesn't count as bi-lingual.

The naughty step has been that over used today that Isla has taken matters into her own hands and renamed it The Good Step just to maintain some semblance of positivity in the household. Barney spent an extended period on the good step after a rather spectacular hissy fit over times tables; a very emotive subject at the best of times. He made like a bottle opener at one point roaring into the ether like a child possessed. Had a massive urge to crack open a cold beer I'm not going to lie...

Is anyone else running out of quality conversation? The highlight of our conversational day was Andy telling me how annoying it is that Tesco deli meats have the opening at the wrong end of the packet. Or the meats are layered the wrong way. One or the other. I even listened to his rant all the way to the end which never happens. Bad times.

Standards slipped past critical point with a post 10pm crisp sandwich. Yeah I know. FFS.

Quick question...why?

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