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Back To Basics

Day Three. I'm almost scared to admit...this has been a really lovely day. Scared in part because some people are having the worst time ever, and partly because I know I will PAY for that admission with evil children payback real soon.

But for now, I'm going to revel in the success that is Self Isolation Day Three.

Coughy McNoise-Face had me up from 4am ish. Normally considered a bad start to the day, but today it meant I had a peaceful coffee ON MY OWN which wasn't rushed OR cold. I painted my nails. TOES TOO. And generally applauded myself on having my own company for an hour or so before the peace was inevitably shattered with an appalled... "MUMMY...can you paint MY nails too??"

We sacked Joe Wicks off today (sorry Joe). We took things fairly easy. From talking to friends, everyone seemed to do similar. Maybe because the weather was beautiful. Maybe because the whole country has been forced to slow down and day three was the day of acceptance? I don't know. But like Isla said "It's a nice day to be outside isn't it Barnes?".

We had a lovely breakfast together outside (never happens). We played a game of "what does the word mean" which started well and then came to an abrupt end as follows;

"Isla, what does 'happy' mean?"

Without missing a beat she waved and said "goodbye?" bit weird but pretty accurate right now I guess.

"Barney, what does 'curious' mean"

"Nosy" he said blandly. Then he took over with "what does obliterate mean?" I replied "I guess it means to destroy?"... "NOPE. It means someone gets a laser and they laser you bad and then you die and turn into dust". OK so that's pretty specific and a bit alarming...

And then..

"Mummy what does COMPLETE WORLD DESTRUCTION mean?"

OK lets play a different game now...

Maybe he can have some therapy when all this is over....we can't afford both and we've invested in him for longer so she's shit out of luck.

We took it Back To Basics with the kids chalking the worlds longest hopscotch and spending most of the day playing outside, painting and trampolining. Barney also made his YouTube debut with a research project about Eric Cantona. Bit weird considering he's a City fan but whatever keeps the kid entertained...

"You Lose Barney"

One of today's momentous moments was when Barney did the dishwasher. He was SO proud. It took a moment for the realisation to sink in that he'll be doing this every day now for the rest of his life. Once this had hit home and he wasn't quite so thrilled with himself, Isla dispatched a verbal kick in the nuggets with "You lose Barney" as she sauntered off to play hopscotch, as yet free of any such child labour horrors.

It happened to me at a similar age. The crushing blow that was Mum delighting in telling me and my sister that was now our daily job when we'd run in to her bedroom giddily showing off that we'd made our own beds about slave labour. Talk about the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...


There's no self raising flour in the world. I keep asking mates to pick some up if they go to the shops. They keep telling me there's none, so either its a conspiracy to save the world from my baking, my mates are very selfishly getting on with their own lives and troubles and don't care about my need for a Victoria Sponge made by kids who may or may not have Corona Virus, or there isn't any self raising flour in the world. I guess I'll never really know...


We've had early indications of the potential breakdown of our small community with a seemingly innocuous threat from littlest pest to her brother "Give me a cuddle or I'll eat you". May just be an empty threat but in these desperate times, who knows. She's now under surveillance just in-case; I can't be arsed with the mess.


I'm absolutely convinced that the earth is teaching us a massive lesson. Don't you think? Despite being initially frantic about the immediate destruction of my business and much of Andy's, I haven't felt this calm in about three years. We've been forced to stop going at life at a million miles an hour and it feels GOOD. The air feels cleaner, we can hear birds singing, I read my book outside with an alcoholic beverage, I'm listening to the kids conversations without interjecting with "Mummy's just got to go and..."(Although I'll never get used to them role playing "Mum's & Dad's" with her calling him Dad and asking him to pretend she's 19...). I'll want to sell them again tomorrow I'm sure but today we've had some much needed calm in our lives. We may however have taken pretending to be the Walton's one step too far with "family bedtime story" in a room entirely too pink and cuddly for Barney...

See you tomorrow when I may or maybe not be back to frantic following the Chancellors announcements for helping the Self Employed. Deep breaths....(into a paper bag)

Quick question...does selling ones soul count as taxable income? Asking for a friend...

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