top of page
  • What A Pixel

"A branch touched my leg"

Updated: Mar 25, 2020

Self Isolation Day Two! Is it Friday yet? Would it matter if it was?! I keep thinking "Oooh I'll just nip to Tesco" before remembering there is no Tesco. Not for people like us. The contaminated.

Well, unless you count me messaging people with "any chance you could pop to Tesco" but where's the drama in that?

Littlest pest is much the same as yesterday; throwing caution to the wind and coughing directly into my face with alarming regularity. And then going to wash her hands. Helpful. If I'm not dead by next Thursday it will be a miracle.

I've counted all the other human beings I've seen today (outside of the three I'm already a little over looking at). Four and a half. The half being I glanced as they'd already walked past so I only saw their ankles through the dead bit of the hedge. And a dog. None of them waved as I wept at the window like a flower in the attic. Rude.

Lock Down

So we're on lock down! Well, we're not are we. But it's a close as very British Boris could get last night. Personally I think it's time for snipers taking out repeat offenders but Andy said that's a little extreme. Says the man who puts butter in his coffee. I got a bit emotional last night thinking about not seeing anyone for ages. Andy's Dad rang straight after the announcement, I assumed to share a similar sentiment. Turns out he just wanted his lawn mower back...

Inset Day

We've accidentally had a bit of an inset day today. I've run out of idea's for my class so declared teacher training was necessary. We did a bit of Joe Wicks again first. Enthusiasm is already waning for the littlest pest. First she declared she'd 'get the snacks' for the PE session then she set up a protest picnic in the middle of the gym (living room) and went banana's when Barney did a lunge and kicked her wooden ham sandwich across the room. Although despite waking the beast his nuggets remained intact today. Bonus.

So basically school has consisted of a couple of squats, ten minutes of Mathletics and some flapjack making. Which tastes OK but I'm fairly confident you shouldn't need to eat it with a spoon. Fail.

Afternoon freestyle PE also came to a swift end when a highly distressed Isla ran inside hysterical because a branch had touched her leg. When's half term?


I've been thinking a lot about the impact all this is having on the kids. I got my knickers in a bit of a twist about them appearing a bit rattled and stressed last week. They absorb everything like sponges don't they? But as it turns out, their capacity for absorbing negative energy is counteracted by their capacity for self involvement because when an opportunity to be worried about strange goings on presented itself to Isla today (I was yelling out in pain...more on that in a minute) she just wandered over to me, incapacitated on the floor, and asked me to get her a drink. So she can piss off for any child therapy when all this is over.


So my back has been really hurting for a few days. Right between my shoulder blades at the top where my lungs are. So being a massive hypochondriac I've become resigned to the fact that my lungs are in-fact clearly filling up with fluid and soon I'll be dead. Until Andy mentioned this morning he'd had the same thing and it's just knots. From tension. Oh. Yes that probably makes more sense. So he gave me a physio massage. Which I thought was really kind until it turned out he was just using me as a human stress ball. Mid scream with a particular spiteful elbow attempting to break my spine, Isla wanders over..."can you get me a drink?"

Anyway I returned the favour. He soon regretted that. Especially when he turned all bossy and began a sentence with "allow yourself to...". Allow yourself to cock off mate.

In summary, we've made it through another day. Which is an incredible achievement for people who say "allow yourself to..."

Anyone else think the earth is taking the piss out of us? It's rained for like, a year, and now we're all stuck inside it's like Marbella out there.

Quick question. Whats a verb again?

58 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page